What Other People Think About You Is None Of Your Business… And Shouldn’t Be
Here is a question for thought. Has there ever been a time throughout history when esteem, more specifically self-esteem, was more easily purchased than it is today? Self-image in our day and time is a cornerstone for confidence in many individuals, which is fortunate for them, as increasing your self-image has never been made easier.
Contacts can change the color of your eyes, dye can change your hair, whitening solutions and braces for your teeth, implants for breasts, asses, calves, and biceps, liposuction for fat, even Botox to tighten your skin. Every fear about self-image a person could create can be washed, snipped, cut, straightened, bleached, or hidden away.
So what has this resulted in? Shouldn’t people be happier, more content, and have higher self-esteem as far as their own image is concerned? Shouldn’t this greater amount of self-esteem transfer into a greater self-confidence? But rather, we have done nothing but nurture complacency, self-loathing, and an odd view on what is both necessary and beautiful in this world.
A Critical Difference
There is a difference between self-esteem and self-confidence, and though the two are often interchanged, they shouldn’t be, as there is a pretty big difference between them.
Self-Esteem for the most part consists of pride. That pride is derived from the confidence one has over their own worth and abilities. Most people would probably say they are able. You teach them something and they’ll catch on. But very few will admit to being mentally deficient, or physically incapable of certain feats.
But self-worth is a bit trickier to weigh and measure. This is based on a person’s perceived self-image, the clothes they wear, job they have, house they live in, car they drive, and so on. These traits are obviously different for different people, but the one common theme that every person is conscious of is how they look, essentially the appearance of themselves to both themselves and others. So I would argue that many people stress over this point more than others, or rather, that perhaps all the others exist to satisfy this one.
Now self-confidence is the result of having self-esteem, or pride in ones self. It’s a feeling of trust in ones abilities, qualities, and judgment. Confidence, contrary to esteem, cannot be purchased nowadays, nor do I assume it ever can.
It is important to note you can’t have genuine and real self-confidence unless you have genuine and real self-esteem. Otherwise a boastful, pompous and arrogant nature replaces what pride ought to. Thus a phony self-confidence is created, where nothing but conceit and egoism takes hold. This is a problem unto itself, the scope of which sadly goes beyond this article.
The only thing to be said is that it is bad; depression, aggression, anger, and countless other ill-tempered traits arise when a person is inflated with fake-pride. Pride in ones race is the perfect example, where there is nothing to be proud about how you were born to a certain color of people. Pride in this sense only arises because the person has nothing to really be proud about in themselves otherwise, so they look outside themselves, and often times grab the least worthwhile thing to be proud of.
Though before we stray too far, let’s get back to how natural self-esteem is increasingly being replaced by purchased self-esteem. Or rather, how it’s being forgotten that self-esteem can even occur naturally. But only with a little work, and if done right, self-confidence soon follows. Not arrogance and immodesty.
What destroys Self-Esteem
So to gain a sense of pride, we should first explain what destroys personal pride. Oddly, its surprisingly simple, remember it all results from a persons own view of their worth and abilities. We explained what each of those entail, but what was left out was that an increase in your self-worth, besides that of image, is based on your abilities alone.
The more able you feel you are, the higher the worth you will view yourself as having. A person’s ability is based on what they’ve learned and worked towards achieving. Nothing in this world is free, and being able certainly isn’t one of them. Very few people have innate abilities, but everyone has innate capabilities. The more you better yourself, the greater the amount of self-esteem you will find.
What creates Self-Esteem
It’s an endless list, which is a good thing, as your sources will never become exhausted or run out. But that list certainly contains hard work, humility, a lack of vanity, perseverance, knowledge, honesty, kindness, and empathy, essentially anything that could be considered to be possessed by a good person. These qualities all help to create positive self-esteem.
If you are concerned over your weight, don’t get surgery before every other option has been exhausted… which includes physically exhausting yourself. If you are concerned over having small muscles or being weak, continue working out in an honest fashion without resorting to surgery, implants, or steroids. If you aren’t happy with how certain things are, you don’t always have to fall back to purchasing wanted results, as that does nothing for your self-esteem.
In the end, having things in you to be proud of creates self-esteem. These things must not be purchased, as again, you cannot purchase self-esteem. Learning a language, instrument, building something with your hands, helping your neighbor, all of these acts make a person feel proud of their actions. Once a sense of pride is achieved, self-confidence soon follows afterward.
Exceptions To The Rule
There are a few instances worth mentioning where the ability to purchase something may not increase your self-esteem, but it allows for what you already have, to be kept.
Let’s say you were in a car accident or were born with some deformity. These can now, with the help of modern science and medicine, be corrected. But generally these aren’t petty concerns, and will do a lot for a person compared to if they weren’t corrected.
The same can be argued for certain things with teenagers, such as braces and acne medication. A persons teeth will be with them for life, and the life of those teeth will be extended if they are taken care of and straightened. Acne is a clinical disease, the results of which could destroy what little confidence a teenager has managed to muster and keep. Not to mention acne can leave lasting blemishes and scars on the face that could be averted if properly treated.
So in these instances, you would not specifically be purchasing self-esteem, but rather ensuring what you have is kept, and avoiding any potential negative results in the future by not fixing or correcting it.
How To Become Self-Confident
This is perhaps the simplest trait a person can acquire, as you don’t have to do anything to be confident. Confidence arises from self-esteem, and self-esteem only. Self-esteem is created by the thing discussed above, hard work, perseverance, loyalty, a god nature, and any other positive trait you can name of a person. So in the end, the better the person you are, while avoiding possessing any negative traits you can, will leave you being more confident than anyone could truly imagine.
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The author of this article is Damien S. Wilhelmi. If you enjoyed this piece, you can follow me on twitter @JakabokBotch. If you are looking for Acne Treatment yourself, there is nowhere better to look than Evologie.com.