Bob: Hey Dave, this is Bob.
Bob: You know, Bob from the uh, men’s accountability group that meets on Monday. We met last week, remember?
Dave: Oh hey Bob, what’s up?
Bob: Do you have a minute?
Dave: Sure, I’ve got a few, what’s up?
Bob: Well, Dave since you’re my accountability partner, I need to confess, I’ve gone & done it again. I slipped up.
Dave: What did you do?
Bob: Well, I watched a video of her again.
Bob: You know Jamie uh, I forget her last name but she’s on insertbadpornsitehere.
Dave: Oh really, I haven’t heard of her (Dave mentally files her name away for future reference & Google images search).
Bob: Yeah, she’s a really hot blond. I have a weakness for her. In fact she kinda reminds me of insert young & beautiful actress here who is in all the most recent movies & every time I see one of her movie previews on TV, I find myself on the Internet looking for Jamie’s videos.
Dave: Oh, that’s not good but I understand, Bob. We’ve got to resist that & give it up to The LORD. (Dave thinks of the young & beautiful actress who is in all the most recent movies & thinks now he must put the idea of searching for Jamie’s images on Google at the top of his private to-do list. At the same time he thinks he’s got to stop, particularly now that he’s joined this accountability group & wow is he going to have to call someone like Bob every time he ‘slips up’ & if his wife ever finds out again, crap!).
Bob: I know, I know but I feel helpless. I can’t stop thinking about her once I get her in my mind.
Dave: I get it, Bob. Maybe stop watching TV & give it up to The LORD.
Bob: Stop watching TV? I can’t even watch TV anymore?? And give what up exactly, Dave? Lust? Desire for women? I’ve tried praying, fasting, claiming the blood, claiming the promises, reading the Bible but it feels like a losing battle. I feel like I’m going to lose my life, my job, my marriage if I can’t get past this.
Dave: Relax, Bob. I said I understood. I don’t know what I mean, maybe you need to pray more. (Dave thinks, Maybe I need to pray more. I don’t know if this accountability thing is working & I don’t even know who Bob is & here he is pouring his soul out & I’ve got to get to work or I’m going to lose this client.) Bob, just trust The LORD, it’ll all be fine. You just need to have faith.
Bob: Dave, I’m sorry to be rude, but man that’s what everybody says. I guess I’m just not doing it right. How are you making it?
Dave: (Dave thinks – Wow, should I admit I’m not making it either or should I just repeat the same old stuff?) Bob, it’s OK, just chill out. We just gotta have faith. I’ve got a meeting to go to. Take care & see you on Monday. Click.
BUT DOESN’T ACCOUNTABILITY WORK?
This conversation is fiction but based on real life experiences. Christian men’s accountability groups are good in their intent but they have several flaws that make resisting lust & porn all the more difficult.
- They group strangers together & focus on their vulnerabilities. For the desperate this is OK, however most would never be caught in such a group since they may be respectable men in the community, e.g. judges, businessman or even pastors. Being caught in a group like this could be detrimental to their livelihood.
- They focus on the sin, in this case porn, which tends to cause men to think more about the sin, in this case porn. Imagine that – or I mean don’t imagine that.
- They unintentionally give each other tips (I find this actress hot, here’s my latest fetish, I found a great website for hookers, here’s something new I tried, etc) which can encourage more sin.
In my opinion, accountability is important but 1) only in the context of discipleship and 2) getting your mind off of sin & your focus on Christ.
In truth, most men, pursue porn because they’re bored with their wives & bored with their lives. If a man truly figures out God is who He says He is, then a man can realize the power & greatness of that relationship. And when a man pursues God’s calling on his life, he will find very little room for lust or porn. It would even become boring to him & rarely cross his mind because he is consumed with his life’s true & eternal passion: Pursuing God & building His kingdom.
Sean Holland is the main writer & founder of ChristiaManity – a Christian men’s ministry website devoted to encouraging Christian men to pursue God & His Kingdom. Seanshares more of his unique perspective of manhood, Christianity & even a few laughs at www.ChristiaManity.com.