You feel the darkness fell into your world when you saw your spouse packing and said “I want a divorce” or “I can’t live with you anymore!” It may seem that you can’t stop divorce from happening. Probably you are also in a shock if you didn’t see it coming. However, that’s not necessarily the end. There is hope if both of you are available to work on this, although at this juncture you may be only one who has this intention.
Getting a divorce is not an easy decision. It is one of the most difficult and probably also the most stressful one to make in the course of your life. You should therefore not be hasty and succumb too easily. You may want to give up, but don’t let emotions get the better of you and drive you into a divorce.
Learn to Calm Down and Speak Calmly:
It is no point speaking to your spouse if every time both of you open your mouths only hurtful words come out or both of you start to yell at each other. This is directly the opposite of what you want to achieve. If you really want to stop divorce, then you have to get hold of your emotions. Do note that communication is one of the biggest barriers as well as the biggest helper in any relationship. It is a barrier when you have war with words and it becomes a helper if both can have meaningful communication and deep listening. This is a skill which if you don’t already possess, you want to build up.
It is easy to burst out especially when you are so deeply engaged emotionally. Feelings of hurt, pain, frustration, confusion, anger and an entire host of other feelings can be churning inside your stomach. Putting these aside can seem daunting. But this is the only way to open a lifeline for your relationship. You need to know why your spouse has made this decision. Approaching her in a calm manner makes it more likely for her to give you a chance to talk. If she is agreeable to discuss with you and you are genuinely interested to stop divorce, then you have to keep in mind the following tips:
1) Give her the chance to say what is on her mind. Don’t interrupt her and practice deep listening. If you can do this, it may help you more than you ever know in your path to reconciliation. There is a saying that smoke doesn’t come from thin air. If she already started to file for divorce, it means something must have happened. Your intention during this meeting is to understand why it happened. If you are defensive, the discussion will get nowhere. If you are open and listen with an open heart, it is more than likely that your spouse will reveal more, hopeful say out the real reasons why she make such a move.
An important aspect of this process is to listen with a “blank” mind and not have “internal conversation” while your spouse is talking. In reality, if you are observant you will get hints of this coming. It is not what is said, sometimes it is what is left unsaid which is equally if not more important.
2) Whatever is said, do not blame and start yelling, even though it could not be something that you want to hear. Accusations and arguments will not stop divorce proceedings at all. You need to convince her that you are serious and committed to making your marriage work. Think instead of solutions on how to intend to improve things so that you can make valid proposals. Let your sincerity shine through so that she is willing to step forward a step.
3) If your spouse is agreeable to meet with you from time to time, it is important to follow through to your promise. That means taking the time for your meeting and showing up on time. You should respect what your spouse said to you. Do not harass her by unexpected visit or phone calls or text messages.
It may take time for you to settle your marriage issues and to stop divorce from happening. Rest assured however it is worth your time and effort. Challenges may make your relationship even better than before the divorce proceedings. If you can’t resolve the issues yourself, you should consider seeking the help of a marriage counselor.
Steve is a part time blogger who occasionally contributes articles to blogs related to physical abuse . He also works as a news editor in well known news paper company .