Surviving The Zombie Apocalypse – Health Over Here!

Zombies are awful aren’t they? Shuffling about, lurching, groaning about everything, no fun at parties and God forbid you try to engage one in conversation. Cuh, reanimated corpses eh. Still, like any moderately successful media-related phenomenon comprised largely of brainless parasites, they have already begun to take over the world, as you might know if you happen to have switched your TV over to the side showing HBO’s excellent Walking Dead recently, or if you’ve ever played any video game ever. Well just about.

It’s all very well for us to sit here and laugh at them terrorizing handfuls of survivors on the telly, but what happens when they really take over? When your streets are ravaged by troves of the undead, when survival is a matter of tearing open a tin of cold bins, or being torn open like a tin of cold beans; when seeking refuge in The Winchester seems like your only option? Here’re our top tips for surviving the horde this Halloween!

1)      Always have a plan – The more aware of your surroundings you can be, the better. Look for exit doors and routes whilst avoiding enclosed spaces wherever possible. The next time you wander absentmindedly into your local coffee shop, stop for a second, ignore the desperate pleas of the barista and the aggravated looks emanating from the building queue, dispense with the taste-tingling idea of a triple chi-latte and check those escape paths! They could turn up at any time, you know.

2)      Use the stairs – Stairs are good, as is height. Most zombies have trouble with anything involving dexterity of any magnitude. They even have the tenacious temerity to presume they’ll get to you eventually. Wooden stairs are good, because they can be broken with comparative ease. Find height, and destroy any point of entry that can be accessed via a series of cumbersome drudges.

3)      Horde canned goods – Whilst the tinned ‘value’ spaghetti hoops from your local supermarket may taste like feet wrapped in yet more feet, they might well save your life when Lurch and his mates show up. Their sell by date never seems to roll around, and that’s exactly what you need when fending off zombies. Ideally, find an elevated place to store them, and combine these useful tips!

4)      Improvise weapons – The time will inevitably come to pass wherein you have to dispatch a particularly adamant zombie yourself. It’s unlikely you’re already ‘packing heat’, as all the kids are saying these days, and unless you keep a small armoury in your loft, you better start thinking about household items that might work well as murder weapons. The chances are you’ve never had to bludgeon someone to death before, but generally speaking, chairs, small tables, bits of wood and cricket bats seem to work well. Also, despite what the movies would have you believe, you shouldn’t bother throwing your vinyl collection at them.

5)      Stay together, be a team – Here’s one you CAN take from the video games and movies – sticking together is a great idea. Remember what those zombies are after? Your delicious brains. And four delicious brains are better than one delicious brain, especially when it comes to outsmarting the purportedly brainless. Work as a unit, look out for one another, and try to avoid the nonsensical teenage bickering old Rick and his buddies can’t seem to get enough of.

So there you have it, five easy ways to stay alive this Halloween; the inevitable night of the living dead. By now you’re a veritable Jill Valentine; or Chris Redfield, if we must… Be sure to keep those eyes peeled and those ears sharpened, and above all, enjoy the little things. Happy Halloween all!

This article was written by Rob Vicars on behalf of Find Me a Gift – for all your Halloween related capers, whether you’re roaming the streets as a zombie, or turning your home into a hallway of horror, FMAG have everything you need! 


Author: Editor

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